The United States government has put together a website called and they have pictures in the genre of “the classic airplane safety guide” that you see when you fly. Below are some of the pictures and some interpretations of what they could mean. This is funny stuff, so if you don’t enjoy laughing please stop reading this.

If you have
set yourself on fire, do not run.
If you spot
terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin
Diesel, yell really loud. 
If you spot a
terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.
If you are
sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it
instead of seeing a doctor.
Use your
flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!
To eliminate
smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless
hand under a faucet with no sink.
Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal
with scary eyes, run away now. 
animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of
being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.
Be on the
lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they
tend to rub their hands together manically.
If a door is
closed, karate chop it open.
If your
building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga
Try to absorb
as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region.
The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.
exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you
may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
If you’ve
become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.
If you hear
the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio,
cower in the corner or run away.
respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them
aside if you feel you no longer need them. 
If you are
trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not
Survive a
biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your
knees, then rolling over and playing dead.
Do not drive
a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the
A one-inch
thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection
against radiation.
pyromaniacs admitted.
A quick
family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist
attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will
preserve precious memories for years to come.
That closet
door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hades. Don’t go
The middle of
a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on
your reading or paperwork.
If you see
colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke
yourself. Girls go for that.
If your
intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling
over and watching the cool light show.
If the
weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the
After all
life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run
forever. Think about it.
telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone
with no numbers on it.
your hands" of traditional long distance telephone
Only the
coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the
‘underground’ rave in the shelter.
In case of
emergency, the parking brake may be used mutiple times.
In time of
war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or
poultry, please.
There is a
reason you failed chemistry
Watch out for
people who come out of white tents and try to steal the
shirt off your back.
If you are
trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your
final moments with shadow puppets.
materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
   – individual dose
   – family value size
   – neighborhood spray pump size
   – supersize!
photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop
circle in Southeast Texas.
When the
looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio.
Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.

This information was found at